Threesome
by fitzefitcher
Summary: One word. That's all it took to begin. Three drabbles, three of three uploaded. Humor and crack.
1. One

THREESOME

_This is kind of a drabble experiment I've been working on. It's already all finished, so I'll be updating this weekly. Also, due to theme, I'll be rating this T just to be safe, even if individual chapters/segments could be rated lower._

**THREESOME**

_One - Intro_

**1 - 1**

**Summary: **One word. That's all it took for it to begin.

**Rating/Genre: **K+ / Humor

One word.

One word was all it took for everyone to jump.

Just that single word sent the gears turning. It sparked revolutionary ideas once thought to be completely impossible. Just that single word…

Roa had mentioned it by accident, it seems, or rather these three had accidently taken him seriously. Not that it was their fault, of course; Roa had been kidding when he said it, and very rarely did Roa kid. It's understandable that they thought he wasn't joking, although the strange grin and chuckling sort of gave it away. Sort of.

And y'know what that word was?

Threesome. Plain and simple.

Poor Roa didn't know of the chaos that had commenced because of it.

Oh well. He'd find out in a few days.


	2. Two

This is kind of a drabble experiment I've been working on

_This is kind of a drabble experiment I've been working on. It's already all finished, so I'll be updating this weekly. Also, due to theme, I'll be rating this T just to be safe, even if individual chapters/segments could be rated lower._

_Also, reviews are nice. Please?_

**THREESOME**

_Two – The Players_

**2 - 1: Marta**

**Summary: **Life's a bitch, especially when the guy you've 'fallen' for is the biggest jerk you'd ever meet.

**Rating/Genre: **T / Humor

Life wasn't fair, really. Most of the time, it's a bitch.

Especially now.

Currently, Marta had somehow been forced to act as Greed's phone-bitch while he received a report from Biddo.

But it wasn't forced, really.

You couldn't force to do anything, unless she had been bound and gagged first.

So she wasn't forced. She was, more or less… compelled. Why was she compelled, you ask?

It could've been her loyalty to him, but it'd take a lot more than that to make her degrade herself.

It could've been the fact that he could kick her out at any time he chose, as he owned the tavern, but even then, she'd rather be in the pouring rain than to humiliate herself like this.

Or… it could've been the fact that she had a teeny, tiny crush on him. But that couldn't be, she told herself. He was too much of a douche to have a simple crush on him.

_Nah… you'd have to fall head-over-heels for the guy to even tolerate him._

**Phfff.**

"Agh!! I just cleaned that table!!" came Dorochet's disgruntled cry.

Way to set yourself up, Marta.

Yup. Life really was a bitch.

Especially when the guy you've fallen for is the biggest douche bag you'd ever meet.

--

**2 - 2: Dorochet**

**Summary:** This was so unfair. Why did Greed _always_ get everything?

**Rating:** T / Humor

This wasn't fair. It really wasn't.

Greed _always_ got what he wanted. _Always._ Even if he didn't realize it.

Poor Dorochet had been watching the entire time when Marta had been manipulated into holding the receiver for Greed. She was so angry that she had turned the slightest shade of red.

…Or was it because she liked him?

He threw Greed jealous looks when he was sure no one was looking.

This was so unfair!! He liked her _first_, dammit! Even during the rebellion!

And he could tell that Greed was enjoying _every_ _minute_ of this. It was written all over him; the way he spoke, how he looked at them… Stupid, smug-faced little-

But he couldn't really do anything about it; for one, the whole 'dog' mentality made it seem like he freaking _owned_ him (which, technically, he did), and two, people's feelings don't change easily. Especially with someone as stubborn as she was; once Marta had her heart set on something, there was no changing her mind.

Thankfully, her duty as phone-bitch ended, and she had started to take a swig of her drink. Her eyes widened suddenly, and she sprayed half of what was in her mouth partly on the coffee table and partly on herself.

"Agh!! I just cleaned that!!" he cried in dismay.

Augh. This was _so_ unfair.

--

**2 - 3: Greed**

**Summary:** It was amazing how oblivious one person could be.

**Rating:** T / Humor

It was truly amazing how someone could have so much power over another person, and have no idea of what they could do with it, or that they even _had_ that power.

Take Greed, for example.

He only had a vague idea of what he could make his subordinates do.

He could, if he wanted, make them jump on one foot, while playing the ukulele, and singing 'twinkle, twinkle little star.' All at the same time.

Now, he knew that he could do certain things- like making a rather annoyed Marta hold the phone's receiver for him, for example- but he didn't have the creativity to…

…Why the hell was Dorochet looking at him that way? What, did he think nobody could see him giving him the 'death' glare?

"…Something wrong, boss?" He snapped back to reality.

"Nothing, Biddo; I was distracted for a second. Go on."

…Okay, now he's pretending nothing hap- he's doing it again!!

_What the hell?_ he thought. _Did I do something to _offend_ him?_

He finished the phone call, releasing Marta from her duty, and the glaring stopped altogether. Using the very little part of his mind that _hadn't _been killed by drugs and/or alcohol (yet), he figured it had something to do with Marta.

…So then, what did he have anything to do with it? I mean, it's not he she was _madly in love_ with him, or anything like that. It was totally out of the question. I mean, come on! Greed was her boss. And she had moral scruples for shit like this.

_There's no way when she's being a goody-fucking-two-shoes over there,_ thought a frustrated Greed.

**Phfff.**

"Agh!! I just cleaned that table!!"

…As was said before, it's almost _painful_ to watch someone that oblivious.


	3. Three

This is kind of a drabble experiment I've been working on

_Due to theme, I'll be rating this T just to be safe, even if individual chapters/segments could be rated lower._

_Also, reviews are nice. Please?_

**THREESOME**

_Three – the Game_

**3 - 1: Intervention**

**Summary:** Really, with a situation this odd, _someone_ had to do something about it.

**Rating/Genre: **K+ / Humor

There was something strange going on. Roa could sense it.

And it had something to do with Greed, Marta, and Dorochet. Hell, the tension between them was so apparent, it was nearly palpable.

And with a situation this prickly, someone had to take charge. Namely, Roa. Of course, he didn't know what he had gotten himself into, or that he had taken charge in the first place. But, taken charge he had.

He watched the three of them with a wary eye; Marta blushing ever-so-slightly, out of either rage or something more, Dorochet glaring at Greed jealously, and Greed taking note of these things and doing absolutely nothing about it.

Well, until now.

He placed the phone back on the receiver, and Marta put it back on the counter. Luckily, it had been a slow day, and the few hookers/customers that were there cleared out a while ago.

"What's with that _look_, Dorochet?" he asked irritably.

"What look?" asked the 'confused' Dorochet.

"That look you were giving me while I was on phone," Greed continued, not buying it for a second. Panic ran through Dorochet's features for a split second.

"I- I don't know what you're talking about!" he stuttered.

"Yeah, right. You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about, ya little-"

"Lay off, Greed," Marta chimed in. "You were probably imagining things." Roa watched them bicker, a slight hint of amusement playing on his lips.

"My god," he began, laughing. "Why not just have a **threesome** and be done with it?"

Greed's jaw dropped. Marta tripped. Dorochet nearly fell of his stool.

And all three of them shared an expression of shock, disgust, and… interest?

…Well, he had to do _something_ about it.

--

**3 – 2: Decision**

**Summary:** What do we do now?

**Rating/Genre: **T / Humor

Greed was the first to speak up.

"…Excuse me?"

"You heard me," stated the ambiguously drunk Roa. He took the time to say these next few things:

"Marta loves Greed. And Dorochet loves Marta." He pointed at each of them as he said this. "Greed… I'm not sure where the hell you stand on this and why, but don't do anything you'll regret." He took the opportunity to leave the room.

"…What the hell was that?" Dorochet said slowly. Greed had a strange look on his face. What was it… curiosity?

"…Both of you, come here." He beckoned them and put his arms on the back of the sofa. Marta sat on his right and Dorochet on his left.

"…What do we do now?" Marta ventured to say.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm all for it," Greed murmured all-but-huskily. He snaked (pardon the pun) his arms around their waists as he said this.

"Whuh-?" Marta never got to finish her sentence. 'Cause Greed suddenly decided 'Hey, I think I'll snog her now.' And he did. Very possessively, I might add.

"Hey!!" Dorochet protested jealously." Greed's grip on him tightened, and he proceeded to say "What? I was getting to you," and switch to Dorochet. Dorochet flushed almost immediately, and… was that _whimpering _Marta heard? She just stared, having suddenly decided that being a voyeur was a-ok. Eventually Greed realized that Dorochet needed to breathe in order to live and pulled back.

"That was…" Marta began. "…that was _hot_." Greed, satisfied (momentarily), grinned wickedly. Dorochet, confused, became even more confused. Marta glared at Dorochet.

"You cut in on _my_ turn, _bitch_." She proceeded to climb onto Greed's lap and-

…make out with Dorochet. Very, very aggressively, I might add.

Roa was very glad to have left the room.

--

**3 – 3: Aftermath**

**Summary:** All's well that ends well, as they say. Sort of.

**Rating/Genre: **T / Humor

Again, Greed was the first to speak. He usually was.

"So, what'd you guys think?" he inquired hazily, a satisfied, decadent smirk playing on his lips. His shield was down, both literally and metaphorically, and he lay on his side.

Marta (directly next to him) was the second to speak. Made sense, seeing as she was in the middle. (Oh, _my_.)

"I… I can't describe how amazing that was," she stated simply. His smirk became smug. "But if you want this to continue, you're going to have to show some fidelity." His smirk died a little. "'Cause I swear to whatever sadistic, fucked up deity that runs things up there, if you cheat on me 'n Doro, I'll kill you myself. I'm pretty sure you'll understand me when I say I _don't like sharing_."

Dorochet was the last to speak. He lay on Marta's other side, and, as per usual, was the underdog.

"Ah-Agreed," he just barely managed to say. Auuugh. He was going to have a limp for the rest of the week. He just _knew_ it.

Greed shifted uneasily for a second after hearing this.

But the subject changed quickly.

"Ready for round two?"

…Well, all's well that ends well, as they say.

Well, not really.


End file.
